It’s funny how our mind works, thankfully forgetting parts of our past that really don’t need to be remembered. That is, until you call something forth. Then the floodgates open and the memories pour out of the grey matter of our brains and back into our hearts.
In the process of writing my book I’m researching topics that relate to the various health issues I’ve survived over the years. As I look up one topic, another one shows up on the screen and “Oh yeah, I forgot I had that” or “Oh, I remember that now.” YEARS of my life that I’ve buried have resurfaced and I’ve become the observer of myself. Not quite looking in the mirror because the me of those yesterdays is not the me of the now.
I’ve become a casual observer of my past, watching and listening to my stories. I’m writing things down as they come to me. Yet, there is no emotion attached. There used to be so much emotional baggage related to the various health crises that I couldn’t get out of my own way. No matter what advice I was offered, I didn’t listen. I knew what was best and I did my best. At least I thought so at the time. Now I know that was a load of crap I was selling myself. But now I can look back and smile because that journey has brought me here to the now. Now, where I’m living my life. Now, where I’m participating in my life and observing my past with nothing more than academic interest.
I’ve learned to let the ghosts of the past be just that….the past. I don’t have to live my story again in order to tell it.